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The Art of Self-Discovery
The Art of Self-Discovery
|Posted on August 2, 2018 at 10:03 PM||comments (81)|
I am back with a vengeance. Bigger, better and wiser. I spent the last 5 years in a cult. Not really but almost by being in an abusive relationship that set me back. I had to cancel my subscription to my website, for at the time I didn't have the finances to make the monthly payment. It is almost shameful to be upfront and honest of how I fell back into the matrix by being in a toxic relationship for so long. As you can see if you followed my other blogs, I have so much spiritual wisdom and insight yet I didn't take heed of my own inner guide that was writing to me in my journal books! It was telling me to leave the relationship, make changes, change my thoughts, on and on. I turned my back on my own best friend.......me! My partner became the center of attention and my best friend over myself. I allowed myself to be emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially abused by him.. It was hard to pull myself up out of the negative vortex I was in. Yet I did it and here I am back to myself. In all honesty, the positive comments I was getting from my blog helped me to find my way back Home, back to myself, back to my soul, back to writing. Thank you everyone! You held the sacred space for my soul to return, to remember who I am and my life's purpose to share spiritual wisdom and emotional values that welcomes us to the new earth.
Wow, what a journey. It felt like I was in prison for 5 years. I stopped painting, writing and overall just stopped being me.....a happy, positive, creative free spirit who wants to share spiritual wisdom and creative inspiration. Being an empath, I embodied my ex partner's suppressed negative feelings. Since our planet is more supportive of the material world over the spiritual world, it is so damn easy to let the bastards get you down. I allowed someone else's emotional neediness and money take precedence over my spiritual and emotional values. Why? Because I was looking to be loved and to be accepted. I didn't feel it within myself for I came from a very dysfunctional family. I turned to a partner to feed me emotionally with love and appreciation in order to fill the void within. He turned to money thinking that would fill his void within. But really in the end, no one can fill that void but oneself. We were a perfect match in a way. Both co-dependent on each other to fill one another up. I forgave him for not knowing and I mostly forgave myself for not knowing any better as well. As you can see a person can have all the spiritual wisdom and intelligence in the world but if they are not emotionally healthy or in love with self by marrying the female and male energies within, the spiritual intelligence of the mind cannot save the soul. The ego or mind will look outside and never truly be satisfied. In this situation, the only way out is in! Seriously! It requires a community of like minded people to stay strong, to share and to keep the soul alive. I was a zombie. Going through the motions and not feeling my heart of hearts, the inner child within that wanted to express, play and find the joy in life. Life is about feeling good! We are here to reprogram our minds to have an easy, abundant life that is full of joy, passion, love, peace, health and abundance. This life I describe has to start within first. My blogs are here to take you to that world within through the art and writing.
That is where I am at now. Simplifying my life, taking some down time for myself and getting back to what makes me feel good! For the last 5 years while being in a dysfunctional relationship, I was very busy running around. Staying busy was a distraction from getting still to feel, to go within and to face the truth. I became depressed when I got still for I shoved down my anger and shame. I was angry for supporting others needs over my own. I didn't know how to say no because I didn't embrace my male energy within which represented inner strength. I was shameful to feel victimized in a relationship. Once I set time out for myself and said no to others vying for my attention, I was able to relax and delve more deeply into myself. It is a hard place to be to sit with one's feelings, especially feelings of loneliness for it seems one would be stuck in that negative feeling for a long time. It taught me to accept my feelings, to be there for myself and to not judge myself in feeling shame around the feeling. I grew up in a home whereby there was shame around feelings and thereby feelings were suppressed. The only way I learnt to express my feelings was through painting and writing. So here I am transforming all negative feelings whether anger, shame and loneliness into a positive, creative outlet of writing.
I read an excerpt from a book a while back and it said:
"If something happens that you feel is bad, remember that it happened to move you forward. Your job is to find the positive in the negative, or at least to TRUST that there is a positive there, even if you can't see it at the moment." Another saying I read from a book Think and Grow Rich is that every adversity has the seed within it an equal or greater blessing or gift. It is so important to change our way of thinking in this new world. Not only are we here to awaken the feminine within that has been suppressed for over 4,000 years, we are here to change our perspective on how we view adversities in life. The truth is the adversity is there to stir up the gift of God within.
I realize now that I needed that 5 years of hell before I could enter the Promised Land lol. The Promised Land of self-love, self-respect and self-confidence. I was so angry at my ex boyfriend and at myself for betraying my intuition. My inner voice was screaming at me to end the relationship, within days of meeting each other and every other day while being in a relationship.
When my ex boyfriend claimed he could make more money than me in business, like I wasn't smart enough or ambitious enough, I felt angry that I was treated like an inferior, so I then channeled my anger into creativity by becoming an interior decorator. It was a passion for me but also a struggle because I worked all the time. My life wasn't in balance. I over gave to others and let my energy be drained. Through the grace of God I was able to build a very successful business to now take time out to write, paint and be an energy healer. I still have some business commitments but I am in the process of simplifying my life to let that old world go. Prior to arriving to this turning point, I was stressed out and on burn out. That was when I decided to take a break from my business, a break from the outer world and to learn to relax to go within. I changed my old self. I saw myself setting boundaries with others in regards to my own needs, by connecting with my male energy within. I didn't want a relationship with anyone but myself. I needed to heal 18 years of abusive relationships that I was involved in. Big sigh. Now is my time to be, to just relax, to go within and to be at peace with myself. This time it is my calling, calling me to be a leader of consciousness and to enter the New Earth. A calling to be a way shower to a new way of thinking and being that feels so damn good!
So in the end, all is good when I decided to see the gift in the 5 years of being in a toxic relationship. The anger and rage became my best friends to channel my energy creatively, to kick of negative people, to set boundaries and to enter the new world within that manifests as a new earth.
Until next time......stay well. I love you all! Put your lights on and go within!
P.S. Stay tuned for my next blog on creating prosperity! I have a great story to share on how the intuition will guide you to answer your prayers.